Established
in 1937

Bob's Corner

My wife has been “relaxing” and opening new brain pathways by working to solve logic puzzles. My brain pathways are full of dead-ends, unimproved dirt roads and “Bridge Out” thoroughfares, so I don’t bother with logic puzzles. Or logic, for that matter.

My college entrance exams, back in the Dark Ages of the last century, indicated that I am the proud possessor of illogical (not irrational, as some have said) thinking. Additionally, the tests showed that although I could not be a commercial airline pilot, I could function as an English teacher, as I was in the 99th percentile regarding language and stuff like that. Don’t ask me how this was determined; it was during the ‘60s, and I was often oblivious to what was going on around me.

But about those logic puzzles. They confound me to even read, let alone try to solve. Here’s an example:

There is a 12-piece orchestra with a pianist, a drummer, two guitarists, two saxophone players, three trumpeters (not a word, but I like it), a violinist, a bass player and a French horn (hornist?) player. The saxophonists are brothers, and married to the violinist, the pianist and one of the guitarists.

The names of those in the orchestra are Boris, Stanislaus, Sergie, Bartholomew, Maria, Martha, Jaime, Craig, Arnold, Frank and Betty. The conductor is named Romeo.

One guitar player is a cousin to the bass player, and neither of them likes peanut butter. The French horn player likes to gamble, and is related to the pianist, who was kicked out of a school for girls for smoking wacky tobaccie. The conductor, a former cattle rustler, is in love with one of the guitarists, who likes to drink Chardonnay. The drummer once attended a Grateful Dead concert with the three trumpet players, and they were in a traffic accident that night after drinking too many Harvey Wall Bangers. One of them has a facial scar.

Given this information, who is married to whom?

I know, it’s a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s how those posers come across to me. OK, I have a strange brain, but I’m puzzling it out.

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