Illinois Valley News

A friend sent me “Truths For Mature Humans.“ It originally had 32 points, but I“ve deleted some. And guess what“ Give up“ OK, here is this issue“s Corner, as the editor again takes a break because of having to fly (in airplanes), and having a four-hour layover in Seattle. Whew, I“m beat! Here ya“ go:

• I think that part of a best friend“s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize that you“re wrong.
• I totally take back all those times I didn“t want to nap when I was younger.
• There is great need for a sarcasm font.
• How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet“
• Was learning cursive necessary“
• Map Quest needs to start its directions on #5. I“m pretty sure that I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be more interesting if how the person died was included.
• I can“t recall the last time I wasn“t at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories.
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren“t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray“ I don“t want to have to restart my collection ... again.
• I“m always slightly terrified when I exit from Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• “Do not machine wash or tumble dry“ means that I will never wash that item — ever.
• I hate when I barely miss a call by the last ring (Hello“ Hello“ Dang!), but when I immediately phone back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did they do after I didn“t answer“ Drop the phone and run away“
• I don“t like leaving my house feeling confident and looking good, and then not seeing anyone of importance all day. What a waste.
• I keep some people“s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• Sometimes, I“ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize that I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
• I would rather try to carry five over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than make two trips to bring in my groceries.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• How many times is it appropriate to say, “What““ before you just nod and smile because you still didn“t hear or understand a word the other person said“
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of car drivers team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
• There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back too far.
• Sometimes I“ll look at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

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