Bob‘s Corner
Hair
From our weekly issue dated January 06, 2010
Now that we“re in a new decade with the beginning of 2010, I am willing to reveal that I made no New Year resolutions. Well, one. But I“m not at liberty to discuss it here. However, it“s a good one.
As a younger guy I always made New Year pledges. None of them lasted longer than maybe a week or so. They usually involved matters such as: promising to study harder to earn better grades; planning to eat fewer cheeseburgers, deep-fried fish sandwiches and French fries; resolving that I“d stop driving too fast and drag racing; and being determined to have a money vault like Scrooge McDuck.
Yeah, well, I was a strange kid. Haven“t improved much (you already knew that) since my ducktail hair days either. Honest. I used to have long hair all over my skull. I really thought it was my best feature (the hair, not the skull). But as it“s said, hair today/gone tomorrow. And someone told me not long ago, “Hey, your hair is getting thin.“ My response: “So who wants fat hair““
And another guy told me that split hair is a problem. My response: “Right. My hair split years ago.“
Heard about a man who sat in a barbershop chair, and the barber asked, “How do you want it““ The customer says, “Well, I want it with my waves up top, light on the left side, bushy on the right side, and then make it all out of shape and sticking up.“ The barber said, “Why do you want your hair cut like that““ And the guy says, “That“s how you cut it last time!“
Which reminds me of a time when I was, oh, maybe 12 or 13 years old. Back when we thought that hair was our crowning glory, so to speak. Was in a barber“s chair in El Paso, Texas in mid-summer. As the barber was using the clippers on my cabeza, a drop of sweat (mine) caused me to jerk my melon. This resulted in the clippers digging into my “do“ and the barber uttering a few vulgar words. And a “haircut“ that kept me housebound for weeks. No way was I going to let anyone besides family see me.
Yeah, weird. And a few “vulgar“ words of my own come to mind. Not that I used them at the time, but these are among those that applied at the time:
Fiasco, debacle, dud, farce, and calamity. Not to mention catastrophe.
Thank goodness I“m mostly bald now. Call it “thin on top“ or what you will. I“m quite happy being hairless.
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