Bob's Corner
From our weekly issue dated November 18, 2009
For this issue I offer part of an email sent to me, stating that the list of inanities is from something called the Darwin Awards. You can figure what that means, and you can decide how much truth there is to what I’ve included. At least they’re entertaining, and besides, they saved me some work:
- When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, Calif., a would-be robber did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
- After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver offered everyone waiting at a nearby bus stop a free ride. Then he delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for three days.
- An American teen-ager was in a hospital recovering from serious head wounds suffered in a railroad train incident. As to how he sustained the injuries, the lad told police that he was trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
- In a Louisiana convenience store, a man put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the register, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash, which the man took from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount he got from the register was $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
- It seems that an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided to throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some cans, and run. He lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
- The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Mich. at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said that he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
- When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police found a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. An officer said that the man admitted to trying to steal fuel, but that he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
So there are some of the “award-winners.” Take ‘em or leave ‘em; I had fun providing them.
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