Bob's Corner
From our weekly issue dated July 15, 2009
Faithful readers might recall my painful story of several years ago regarding my tremendous lack of mechanical/building/fixing objects talent. But I type well.
I have built a few items in the past. Some of them actually stayed together long enough to stand up before collapsing in a pile of twisted nails, oozing glue and sawdust. Some of us have no aptitude for such matters. Fortunately, my wife and three children all have engineer-type brains, and can figure out stuff. Good thing.
Still, it took me years to let Jan take the lead after we’d buy an item and the box had the dreadful, fateful words (for people like me): “Assembly Required.” Yikes. I’d break into a cold sweat and start trembling. Not to worry though, as Jan has the genius to figure out anything. But I used to try first to “show her” how to do it. Perhaps a bit too much machismo? Didn’t work. Almost went to divorce court a few times over those “Assembly Required” items.
Anyway, this brings us, strangely enough, to last week when we got some new light fixture shades. I can handle this project, I thought. So much for thinking. But wait -- I was able to get the tall ladder into the bedroom, climb it and figure out how to remove the glass shades to replace them with the fabric ones. It was exciting to be way up near the ceiling and discover that at least two of our four cats had climbed the ladder from the other side and were having some sort of Cat Game called, “Let’s Scare Dad by Shaking the Ladder.” They also enjoyed, “Try to Trip Him While He’s Climbing Down.”
It took five separate ladder round-trips, with help from our herd of felines, to remove the old shades and bulbs. Then on my sixth excursion, I discovered that the new shades wouldn’t clip over the light bulbs because the bulbs were too large for the clips. Off I went to get new, smaller lights. Jan had me take one of the old lights to be sure I got a proper size.
That was a mistake, as I thought of one dimension, and she was thinking three-dimensionally.
Because although I got smaller bulbs, it wasn’t until I made another creaky trip up the ladder, with my cat escorts, that I realized the bases were too small. I had gotten bulbs with Christmas tree bases, when I needed bulbs with regular bases. Arghh. Off I went again for more bulbs.
Could not find bulbs of the right wattage. Phoned Jan, who advised me to wait until the next day and try another store with more variety. That worked.
Meanwhile, we left the ladder in our bedroom overnight. The cats loved it. Played games nearly all night. Next time, I’ll have them do the job. I’m sure they could handle it better than I. Did I mention though that I am a really good typist?
* * *
P.S. The day after the complicated installation procedure we decided to put back the glass shades. And you don’t even want to hear about the problematical situation we encountered. It was because of my replacing the plastic rings for them so far down on the light base the day before that it took extreme dexterity and patience to remove them. But the mission was accomplished. Again with help (she took over) from my wife. Some days life is just full of twists and turns.
(Disclosure! June 28, 2006 is when Bob originally ran the preceding.)
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