Bob's Corner
From our weekly issue dated January 28, 2009
This was the issue in which I was going to continue raving about a recent trip Down South, and even include a peachy beachy photo. But as the damp, cold weather here is depressing me (the lowest temp while we were in San Diego County was 72), I am taking the easy way out. The following from the Internet was sent by daughter Vicki Kaplan, and good friend Virginia Gilliam. I’m taking advantage:
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your plate and food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years -- so canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is: kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat butt. I cannot stress this enough. To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
- They live here. You don’t.
- If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it “fur”-niture.
- I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
- To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.
And remember that dogs and cats are different from kids because they:
Eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, normally come when called, never ask to drive the car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t have to buy the latest fashions, don’t want to wear your clothes, don’t need billions of dollars for college, and -- if they get pregnant, you can sell their children!
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