From our weekly issue dated June 11, 2008

The editor was attacked this week by a horde of raving allergens, which are being beaten back arap (as rapidly as possible). As part of his physical and emotional recuperation, he offers the following, which a friend, Molly McGuire, sent from California:

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any dictionary word, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the 2005 winners.

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down anytime soon.
4. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, rendering the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.  (This one got extra credit.)
10. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s, like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only food and beverages that are good for you.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And The #1 pick:
17. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and a jerk. (Editor’s Note: For full disclosure -- I changed the last word of the preceding sentence.)