It is time to address an issue that concerns much of the population. It is a matter of grave concern. I am speaking, of course, about Vending Machine Abuse, or VMA as it is known by many.

I first encountered VMA as a young guy working for Canteen Service in San Diego. It was (and still is) difficult to imagine why someone would cause severe damage to an innocent vending machine, costing hundreds of dollars, because (1) the desired product failed to appear after the buyer deposited his 10-cents (now 50-cents or more), (2) the wrong product fell into the slot, or (3) someone just felt like inflicting a major smash on a hunk of metal, plastic and glass that did not belong to them. The buyer was out only a dime, and one could always obtain a refund when the serviceman next made his rounds.

Then there was the situation at Camp Pendleton where three candy machines at one location were continually broken into. Persons unknown apparently were using rifle butts to smash the glass display fronts and remove the candy bars. Then they were able to infiltrate the innards of the machine, bust the shelves, and drop even more goodies. All without spending a dime.

An arrangement was worked out with the camp provost marshal. He coordinated with the medical office, and a certain substance was injected into the display items of the machines. Not long after, two men showed up at sick call with bad cramps. And the opposite condition. Mystery solved. No more VMA there.

Some might also have heard about irate persons grabbing the tops of beverage vending machines, especially those that offer cans or bottles. Each piece of equipment weighs approximately 700 pounds. So it’s not a real good idea to yard on the top and get it off balance so as to make your beverage come down. Instead, the whole device could come down. On you. Could be painful.

When I worked in Brookings at the Curry Coastal Pilot, one of the most-constant expenses involved newspaper vending machines. People would steal them; break them open; take all the money (two bucks or so in quarters). Then they’d either smash the machine into handy chunks, or chuck the whole thing into the nearest river. I still can’t figure why anyone would commit VMA.

OK-OK, it’s frustrating to “lose” some change. Especially when you will shortly die without consuming a candy bar or gulping a soft drink. And who can handle the awful situation of desperately needing a cup of coffee, only to discover that no cup emerged, and your coffee is merrily coming out of the spout and down the drain. It’s enough to make a grown person cry.

Especially when the vending company employees discover that you scratched some nasty words into the paint, or damaged the base by kicking it, or broke the plastic door. Then they cry.

VMA must be abolished.

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