Bob's Corner
From our weekly issue dated January 9, 2008
Someone once noted that certain impossible tasks are akin to herding cats. Which is a true statement, as anyone with even one cat can tell you. Cats, or kitty-cats if you prefer, are as independent as … well, as cats.
Reminds me of the bumper sticker we slapped on the rear of friends (I mean, on the rear of their car) in Brookings. The sticker read, “You can always tell a Norwegian. But you can’t tell him much.”
Actually, “independent” is another way of speaking the truth about cats, those fur snakes, those feline sharks. Substitute “stubborn, persistent or obstinate” instead of “independent,” and you’ll get the idea. Cats do what they want, when they want, how they want.
They do not accept discipline. You can try to regulate them, for example when they leap onto your kitchen counter or dining room table. You can shout, clap your hands, stamp your feet, hiss or make any number of bizarre and creepy noises. A cat will react to such efforts. They might actually move away from where you don’t want them. Or not. But beware. For they will get way more than even. They will retaliate for your human arrogance by shredding your furniture or clothing. Or in severe cases, you will be chastised by cat surprises in your closet.
And speaking of closets, we have this darling little terror living with us, name of Jellirabbit. He has a fetish for entering cabinets, closets and wardrobes. I don’t care if he’s asleep, eating or doing anything. If he hears a storage door opening, he’s there. Immediately. I think he has the ability to teleport himself. Kind of scary. He is impossible to keep out of closets, especially one where cat food is kept.
It doesn’t matter that the food in the closet is for the outside cats. He seems to prefer it over the more expensive brand we buy from our veterinarian for Jellirabbit and his indoor buddy, Flint Eastwood.
Cats also have the ability to increase the force of gravity. How else to explain the huge thump a 6-pound kitty can make when he lands on the floor after jumping off your bed, where he has slept on your pillow for the past several hours while you were working to raise money to buy his cat food?
And how can two cats sound like a herd of horses coming down your home hallway? Amazing. I mean, between them they have eight legs, but it sounds like either a runaway string of mustangs or 89 cats wearing boots. One more aspect. Cats do not like being laughed at. For any reason. If you giggle or snicker at them, for example when they leap and miss their mark, they will get even. So keep your closets closed.
