Denise Brown talk highlights need for domestic violence eradication
IVSHA's Chris Mallette and Denise Brown (Photo by Jennifer Newsted, Illinois Valley News)
Illinois Valley Safe House Alliance (IVSHA) feels that the time for quiet work has ended.
Besides establishing the Home Valley Center for Advocacy in the former branch office of the bank with a generous grant from Home Valley Bank, IVSHA plans to continue its fundraising efforts with a plan to purchase the property adjacent to the building as the home of a future safe house.
On Saturday, Oct. 13, at the Grants Pass High School Performing Arts Center, IVSHA had speakers Mary Dunn Dalton, who runs Dalton House in Medford to assist battered women; and Denise Brown, sister of Nicole Brown Simpson, the late wife of O.J. Simpson.
The women spoke to an audience of some 65 persons about domestic violence and the work they have done locally and nationwide to made the public aware of the problems and to assist victims seeking help to leave unhealthy environments.
Dalton gave the audience a few statistics.
“One in four women will be abused by the time she is 18. One in three women will be silent survivors of incest by the time she’s 18.
“One in seven boys will be physically abused by the time they’re 18. Twenty-five percent of married women will experience at least one episode of violence by the time they end that relationship.”
According to Dalton, these statistics are identical to the statistics from 1977. The differences now are that there are high statistics around lethality; more women are dying at the hands of loved ones. The second is that where it used to take between one and four episodes of domestic violence for a woman to leave, it now takes between seven to 10 episodes for a woman to leave the relationship for good.
Denise Brown lost her sister on June 12, 1994. The famous trial that ensued and resulted without the conviction of O. J. Simpson caused Brown to make a promise to her sister so that she did not die in vain. Her promise to her sister was a pledge to dedicate her time and energy to community awareness through public speaking, helping pass legislation and challenging communities to stand up and not tolerate domestic violence.
She takes this promise seriously, and her calendar is currently booked with 15 speaking engagements between Oct. 4 and Nov. 15 that have her criss-crossing the country.
Brown spoke about the cycle of violence. She addressed the need that abusive individuals feel to control another human being. She provided examples of verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. Her examples were the types of phrases that chip away at one’s self-esteem.
She spoke about the escalation to hitting, punching, kicking, and throwing against a wall. She verbally illustrated the next phase if a victim is lucky enough to survive the violence; the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase is filled with “I’m sorry” and excuses, gifts and flowers. But the phase almost never results in the batterer taking responsibility for their violent behavior.
Brown explained, “A taboo has been broken when somebody hits you once. It makes that second hit that much easier.”
Some signs of an unhealthy relationship are not as obvious as others. According to Brown, red flags include: Has your partner ever hit you? Is your partner overly jealous? Does your partner get violent when drinking? Is your partner able to empathize? Does your partner have a Jeckyl and Hyde personality? Does your partner put you down?
“For anyone trapped in an abusive relationship it’s like walking an emotional tightrope always just about to fall,” said Brown. “We have to do everything possible to stop this vicious cycle of domestic violence.
“It’s simple. Start in your own little community and venture out from there. Start working to get uniform laws,” Brown explained.
The message Brown preached was strong. Domestic violence is a tragic situation for everyone in the household. Children raised in homes with domestic violence are often able to give details of the abusive events that their parents thought the children did not know about.
Children also are likely to have symptoms of post-traumatic stress syndrome and can carry scars from witnessing this behavior well into their adult lives.
When asked about the most recent O. J. Simpson headlines Brown said, “The only thing that changed this time around was that we didn’t have to go to a funeral. It brought back the media and the attention. It brought back everything that these kids had to live through 13 years ago.
“The one thing I say is that everything happens for a reason. Every time he (O.J. Simpson) does something stupid, I have a chance to be on TV and talk about domestic violence. I don’t want to make light of it, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.”
Click here to learn more about how you can tell us what you think
Advertisment:
