This was the week that I was going to reveal the secret of the meaning of life; how to remain in excellent health while eating anything you want without exercising or experiencing stress; and how to retire at age 26 with $15 million in a tax-free account. Instead, I have chosen to entertain (hopefully) with the following.

Jan ordered some Christian music, and we subsequently received this message:

Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized, contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make sure that they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle, and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the
finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterward, and the whole party marched down the street to the post office, where the entire town of Portland waved “Bon Voyage!” to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as “Customer of the Year.” We’re all exhausted, but can’t wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

* * *

With that off my mind, it’s about time to start shaking the tambourine to highlight the fact that 2007 marks the 70th anniversary of “Illinois Valley News” in its present format. Therefore and thusly, we are planning a mixer for Illinois Valley Chamber of Commerce members and guests on March 2; and during May we’ll have another something of a celebratory nature. (Don’t try to pin me down on exactly what, yet.)

Jan and I have been running the “Noose” only since February 1986. We’re trying to figure out why issue number 52 will fall in mid-March, when the paper’s first bound-volume issue is dated Thursday, May 13, 1937. Anyone with ideas or explanations can send them to us, and likely we’ll do something nice in return. (Don’t try to pin me down on exactly what, yet.)

The first issue, with four pages, when Cave Junction was called Cave City, contains a number of interesting congratulatory ads, including some from Grants Pass and Medford businesses. One from Medford-Crescent City Truck Lines notes “steamer connections at Crescent City for San Francisco and Los Angeles.” There are several greetings from I.V. food vendors: Illinois Valley Grocery, Illinois Valley Meat Co., and Schumacher’s Grocery, all in Cave City; plus Keith’s Meat Market in the Holland community, and Lew Hammer’s Store in Selma.

Restaurants advertising included Log Cabin Lunch in Kerby, The Spanish Castle (Good Food, Good Drinks, Booths for Ladies), Kerby Confectionary, and Owl Café. And George W. Rowley bought an ad for his Cave City Drug Store. Many other businesses also are listed. That first issue in the bound volumes apparently was used by the owners for their bookkeeping because each ad has the price marked in pencil. They’re all $1 and $2 ads.

The page 1 headlines include: J.H. Pomeroy Improving Twohy Ranch, Governor to Pass Through Illinois Valley, and New Owners at Orange & Black Camp Ground. The “best yet” Kerby flower show was lauded. And there’s a story about what was coming at Cave City Theater: “Tarzan Escapes” featuring Johnny Weissmuller and Maurine O’Sullivan, “Valley of Wanted Men,” and “One in a Million” starring Sonja Heinie, “internationally known skater, supported by a good cast of players including Adolph Menjou.”

So that’s enough background this week. We’ll be telling you more in coming issues. (Don’t try to pin me down on exactly what, yet.)