Established
in 1937
|
Tales from the Police Blotter
(Editor’s Note: The “Noose” was unable to obtain patrol logs from the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office for this issue. Therefore, we offer our own version, no item of which should be viewed as fact or truth in any way.)
* * *
Monday, March 27
*This is the city, a land of freeways, shopping malls and sometimes, crime. That’s my signal to move in: I carry a badge … oops, got caught in a TV time warp.
*Three cows were apparently lost on Holland Loop. They left evidence on the road.
*A woman complained about some sort of mess on Holland Loop.
*In Downtown Cave Junction, a transient was holding a sign that read, “Will eat your food.”
*In Selma a resident complained that a neighbor shot at his house, chopped down his gate, and threatened his life. No crime was committed.
*Loose dogs in O’Brien were barking up the wrong tree, although a bear, possibly looking for some woods, was seen in a nearby Douglas fir.
Tuesday, March 28
*In Takilma a resident wanted a fingerprint expert after a burglary involving some sort of weed. Regarding the fingerprinting, the complainant was told, “What?! Ya’ think this is CSI?”
*Another valley resident was anxious about someone driving back and forth in front of their dwelling and shouting something that sounded like, “Meth to Merca!”
*At Cave Junction City Hall, a group of transients was picketing, demanding better police protection for their fortified beer-drinking parties in Jubilee Park.
Wednesday, March 29
*Emergency personnel responded in force to the top of Hay’s Hill after someone reported a “bad crash.” It turned out to be a guy changing a flat tire.
*A highly intoxicated man lying in a puddle of water was thought to have been attacked by a roving band of juveniles with water balloons.
*Officers pursued a high-speed motorcycle around the back roads of Kerby until pulled away because of a call for help from a man who fell out of bed.
*Dogs were accused of public indecency and loitering on a Downtown CJ parking lot.
Thursday, March 30
*Some sort of ruckus was reported at a Selma business involving a man who tried to pay with Euros.
*Theft of a packet of Ex-Lax was reported at a CJ store.
*Theft of a roll of toilet tissue was reported at a CJ store.
Friday, April 1
*No mailboxes were smashed off their posts, and no other vandalism occurred anywhere in Illinois Valley. (April Fool!!)
*A woman tried to pay for merchandise in a valley business with a credit card that was refused by the company. She offered another card, which also was rejected. She then asked if she could pay with an out-of-state second-party check. The business owner replied, “Lady, do I look totally insane?”
*There was a malfunction that delayed the city of Cave Junction sidewalks from rolling up until close to 10 p.m.
*The valley transient assembly offered one of its own as a candidate for sheriff, saying, “Who knows better what the problems are?”
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